You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
