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Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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