Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
