I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
