Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
