I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
