he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
