I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
