the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
