ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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