Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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