I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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