dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
