I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
