pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
