Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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