i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
