the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
