I didn't shave. On purpose
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
