She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
