Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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