Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
