So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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