yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
