I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
