we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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