Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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