the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
