She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
