You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
