College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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