um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
