I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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