Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
