She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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