So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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