YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So here I am, sexting at work.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
