he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
