Whod you bang
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
