No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
