she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
