You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
