my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he shaved USA in his pubs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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