So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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