PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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