It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
