haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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