The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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