I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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