you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
