girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
