i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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