why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
